How long have you been married? By God’s grace, we continue to celebrate February 17, 2007 with a little more grace, a little more love, and a deeper understanding of the covenant of marriage with each passing year.
Do you have children? Yes, we have two little boys. They remind me daily of the importance of modeling healthy relationships and creating a legacy of faith by building a foundation on our Savior. I’m a little love-struck by them!
Are you still in counseling? Nope. We have seen 11 licensed family and marriage counselors throughout our marriage, but we are currently not in counseling. For more information on my thoughts about counseling, read On Counseling.
How is your relationship right now? As I’m writing this, we are doing good. That could change tomorrow…or in an hour! All joking aside, we are solid right now. Like any relationship, we have our ups and downs, but the smoke has definitely cleared on our civil war. We have learned that the more aligned we are individually with God, the more in sync we are with each other.
How did you learn to trust again? Tough question. In many ways, we’re still working on this one. It’s a process that can’t be rushed. However, I will say that when we put our trust in the one that never lets us down, it’s much easier to trust each other day by day. Also, we wholeheartedly believe in the importance of community and accountability. It’s much easier to trust your spouse when you trust the people they spend time with.
Are there resources that you recommend? We recommend that you start, or restart, your marriage by reading You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan. More than any other book on marriage, this one changed our view of marriage. Chris really enjoyed reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and Tender Warrior by Stu Weber. I found Every Thought Captive by Jerusha Clark to be extremely helpful as I tried to control my thoughts. I also prayed through several daily devotionals like The Power of A Praying Wife and Hope for Each Day.
What are your biggest struggles in marriage? Chris and I are about as opposite as night and day. Chris is introverted. I’m extroverted. Chris internalizes. I talk it to death. Chris loves to relax. I can’t sit still. Chris likes pizza and grilled cheese. I like quinoa and nicoise salad. You get the point. For years, I hated our differences and tried to force commonalities upon us. Chris resisted like the plague. It was a huge struggle. The longer we are married, the more I see how he balances me out, and I do the same for him. It can still be a struggle, but we’ve learned to appreciate our differences…unless we’re picking a restaurant. LORD help us if we are picking a restaurant!
What is the easiest part of being married? I wouldn’t say “easy” is a word I would use to describe marriage, even on our easiest of days. Marriage is all about denying self, and we are all self-serving to one degree or another. It is God’s grace alone that allows us to have days, weeks, even seasons where we find ourselves, quite unexpectedly, in an “easy” marriage.
Do you still fight a lot? Define a lot. Chris prefers to avoid conflict at any cost. I prefer to bring up every issue and hash it out until there is resolution. Neither one is healthy. We are learning how to build healthy conflict resolution into our marriage. Sometimes that means Chris engaging in an argument when every ounce of his being wants to shut down. Sometimes that means that I walk away from an argument without resolution or choose to bring up an issue at a different time. We still have a lot of differences, but we definitely approach them differently now than we did before.
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