The Name Thing

It’s as if the heavens opened up and declared my destiny in a single name…at least that’s what I thought at the time. We had been surviving the first few months after I found out about Chris’s affair. Each day of our marriage was spent in the trenches, and each night brought both celebration for making it one more day and trepidation for what that night’s dreams would bring to life. I had started reading the Bible again, because what else could I do? I had grown up reading the Bible, and I was familiar enough with the stories to turn to a chapter that I could relate to. So I flipped through the pages until I landed in Hosea.

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Unspoken Lessons

Before community groups and life groups, churches held Sunday night potlucks and Wednesday night Bible studies. Whether attending a community-building event, tagging along with my dad to elders’ meetings, or helping my mom fill tiny cups with grape juice for Sunday morning communion, I was always finding myself at the church. I can still remember the smell of the church kitchen and the sound of the empty auditorium, but it’s hard to pair specific memories with the moments my beliefs took shape.

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When Chris and I “went public” with our marital struggles, we discovered that people reacted to the truth of our brokenness in very different ways. Some withdrew, afraid that our brokenness was somehow akin to the Ebola virus and sure to be contagious. Others withdrew simply because they had no idea how to help, and the silence and pain was awkward. And yet others withdrew, because they had not left any space in their life for people who were hurting. Some came close, close enough to judge, condemn, and preach. Others came close to join the train-wreck party, and rejoiced in knowing that they were not alone. Then there were Corrie and Sarah.

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All or Nothing

I love food. All food. Not just the Double-Doubles and the pizookies of the world, but also the roasted Brussels sprouts and the spinach salads with berries and almonds of the world. I heart food. So understandably, diet is a four-letter word that makes me cringe. It brings out all of the nasty in me. I suddenly turn into a mean girl with raging insecurities and carb-withdrawal headaches. But when the number on the scale crept past the do or die mark, I had no other choice than to go on a diet. Read More